When Behavior Is Misunderstood and How to Help

When a kid acts out—interrupts in class, throws tantrums, or struggles to follow directions—it’s easy to jump to conclusions. We label the behavior oppositional, defiant, or even attention-seeking. But what if it’s not misbehavior at all? What if it’s a misunderstood sign of something deeper?

As a mother of a spirited almost 7-year-old, I’ve wrestled with this question in my own home. My boy is wildly curious, deeply loving—and often disruptive or immature in ways that don’t fit with the expectations of restaurants or grocery stores or even birthday parties. I’ve wondered: Is something wrong? Am I missing something? But increasingly, I’ve come to understand that what looks like “acting out” might actually be a plea for support, connection, or simply time to grow into himself.

At Cycling on Purpose, we’re committed to creating space for youth to be seen and supported in their full humanity. That means taking a closer look at what’s really behind the behaviors that challenge me as a parent. Two recent articles from the Child Mind Institute shed important light on why some kids are misdiagnosed, and how we can support those who are simply not developmentally in sync with their peers.

Misdiagnosed and Misunderstood

The article Disruptive Behavior: Why It's Often Misdiagnosed explains that many children who appear oppositional may actually be struggling with anxiety, ADHD, trauma, or learning disabilities. Their behavior isn’t about defiance—it’s a sign of distress. But because disruptive behavior grabs adult attention more readily than internal struggles, kids acting out are often seen through a disciplinary lens instead of a compassionate one (Child Mind Institute, 2025).

This misdiagnosis can lead to harmful consequences. Labeling kids as “bad” or “troublemakers” can erode self-esteem, alienate them from school, and make it harder for them to access the help they really need. Worse, when adults assume intent behind a behavior that is actually a coping mechanism, the response can escalate a child’s distress rather than soothe it.

Immaturity Isn’t a Problem to Fix

A companion article, Helping Kids Who Are Immature, reminded me that developmental variation is normal—and that immaturity doesn’t mean something is wrong. Some children simply develop executive function skills (like impulse control, emotional regulation, and flexibility) later than others. These kids are often described as “sensitive” or “young for their age,” and they may struggle in settings that demand advanced self-regulation—especially school (Child Mind Institute, 2025).

Reading this was a breath of fresh air for me. My high energy, totally unpredictable boy is still learning how to navigate big emotions and social expectations, and while it can be hard, I’m learning to meet him with empathy instead of urgency. The solution isn’t to pressure kids to “grow up” faster, but to offer support that meets them where they are. Gentle guidance, predictable routines, and emotional coaching can go a long way in helping kids build confidence and skills without shame.

What This Means for Youth-Centered Spaces

As adults who care about young people—whether we’re parents, educators, mentors, or community members—we need to pause and ask: What’s really going on here? Is this child being difficult, or are they having a difficult time?

Creating environments that are responsive rather than reactive is one of the core principles of trauma-informed care. It’s also central to resilience-building.

It was a good lesson for me - to respond to challenging behavior with curiosity instead of control so that I help my boys feel seen, safe, and supported.